Book of Poems
by Shadow91259
Summary: Random poems that I write whenever the feeling strikes.
1. Life is Like a War

Life is like a war

Never ending and many battles, not all bloody and not all silent.

One side wins and the other loses, victory - a harsh sting to one's heart.

Hope seems to disappear as the fight wages on, you can feel yourself fade away slowly with each passing moment.

Words fly like bullets piercing through your mental defenses as you try to not lose the battle.

Soldiers are your thoughts, fighting against each other to make the opposite submit.

Depression is the enemy's submarine as it lies in wait before striking from below the surface.

Suicide is the final battle you lose as your enemy wins, the lone bullet that manages to pierce your armor and end the fight.

Life is the war that some people lose no matter what they do to win.


	2. The Battle I Lost (LILAW Pt 2)

**The Battle I Lost**

My strength is beginning to waver as is my resolve,

the enemy closing in on me with a vicious smile that gleams.

I struggle against them even though their identity is unknown to me,

but I know that I cannot lose.

The feeling,

the feeling of hopelessness and failure is overcoming me as the enemy

pushes forward even more than before.

My arms are now shaking as the sword in my hands becomes heavier,

the enemy's blade shining brightly even in the darkness that surrounds us.

A single ray of light encompasses me as I continue to fight,

fight as my own life depends on it.

Then, then it happens:

The enemy's face is revealed by the light and I am stunned into a stony silence.

The enemy is me.

She smiles as she sees the look of realization upon my face.

"No," I whispered, horrified, as I back away from her only for my back to hit a wall.

"You should have known," she says, continuing her approach with her blade raised. "You should have known who you were fighting against."

I shake my head in denial as she finally stops before me only a couple of feet away.

She then raises her hand and I startle to see that she is no longer holding a sword, but instead holding a gun.

The barrel glares at me as I scramble for my sword only to find it gone.

I face myself in horror as an almost sad smile crosses her face.

"Just give up," she whispers, a single tear rolls down her face. "We both know you can't win."

I open my mouth to protest, but I find that I have no words to speak so I close my mouth.

"It will be quick," she whispers, now standing right in front of me. "I promise."

I hang my head in defeat and feel the cold barrel on my temple.

"Just close your eyes," I hear her say. "It will be over soon."

I do as she says and tears roll down my face as I wait for the pain.

"Goodbye everyone," I cry as I hold the gun to my temple, my hands shaking.

"I'm sorry."

The last thing I remember is the darkness consuming me before I pulled the trigger.


	3. Silver

Silver

This is a story about silver. It may run and hide, chase and sneak, take you to places of amazement and wonder and love, but it's always about silver.

You cannot capture silver.

Silver is the moon, the light, a sharpened blade, a pair of wings, an angel's halo, or a broken swing. It's a fish, a bird, a child's laugh, the brightest night, the most melodic song.

Silver is quick, stealthy, it flies through a room, an evasive sneak.

Silver is bold and bright, a glow, a spirit, a symbol, a wish, a romance, a dream.

Silver is a simile.

Silver,

It is like a shooting star.


	4. I Stand Alone

The world spins,

images blur as it revolves and continues on without me.

I, alone,

stand in the center.

Not the focus,

only the watcher.

I alone watch,

as the world continues on without me.

Friends and family,

continuing on without me.

While I stand,

stuck in the past.

I let my own world,

my own existence,

revolve around others'.

I am unimportant,

allowing my emotions and life become second to those of others around me.

So I state;

I stand alone.

For in my own world,

I lack any kind of worth.

Although foolish it may seem,

it makes me feel happier knowing I live to help others.

For they shall never know,

I stand alone.


	5. I Wish

I Wish….

Sometimes I wished that life was different.

I wished the sun would shine a little less bright,

The water wouldn't be as cold,

That there would be less bugs roaming around.

But then I realize everything is here for a reason, a purpose if you say.

That the Lord above created these elements and life forms to exist in unity.

But then I wonder,

What is my purpose?

Am I to go to college and become a world renown scientist?

Or am I to join the military and become the faithful soldier?

Or was I to immediately begin to work and earn my way through life?

The path isn't so straight for me, it never has been.

Through the years I have lived on this planet,

I had trouble connecting with my inner self and placing faith in the Lord above.

Only through those very dear to me did I find my way home.

But now I'm lost again,

Lost to the world I have always been apart of.

Then, through the sense of being lost,

I began to notice,

To notice the littlest things around me even more so than I remember.

The quiet shushes,

The disapproving looks,

The changes of subject,

Or even the simple ignorance of the fact.

All of these brought on by the fact that I proudly admit that I am just as interested in women as I am in men.

And my thoughts went from:

"I know I'll always have my family's support"

"My parents love me no matter what"

To

"Why is she giving me that look?"

"Am I that much of a disappointment?"

"Why is he reiterating this point again? He knows how this hurts me, so why?"

And I thought I could take it,

I thought I could handle it all.

Because I got so used to hearing:

"What happened? You had A's and now you're barely passing? I _know_ your parents didn't raise you this way"

"Your parents told me about your grades, have you been able to even _try_ and fix them?"

"I'm so disappointed in you, I don't even want to know what your Mother thinks."

Ah, but let's not forget the countless of times,

That I have been told I'm lazy and need to do more work around the house.

Which is something I will own up to admittedly,

Something I'm trying to fix.

Oh but wait, I forgot about these _kind_ words:

"Grow up, the past is in the past. Let. It. Go."

"You need to be more thick skinned, the real world is harsh on people who aren't"

"You'll never understand how easy you got it, things were different when I was growing up"

I get it, I honestly do.

But then please consider:

The past is the past, but it affects all of those involved,

I have always known more about the real world than you first thought,

And that yes I will agree,

I will never know how things were in the past

But I will not know since I did not grow up then.

These many words have done nothing, but bring me down

But I refuse to show it.

So I put on my smile and try not to let them get to me.

I keep my mouth shut so I don't upset them.

I keep the tears in until I'm alone so I'm not shown as weak.

I do all this because I promised myself I would never let them know that they hurt me again.

Because I do all of this, my thoughts have transitioned once more:

"Did they even want me?"

"Does anyone even care?"

"Why do I even fight anymore? It's pointless anyway"

That's when the wishes changed.

My wishes went from being:

"I wish to get better grades"

"I wish to be liked more"

"I wish to be prettier"

To:

"I wish the smile was real"

"I wish they would just accept me"

"I wish the pain would stop"

I wish... _that I didn't exist._


	6. Songs of Teenage Souls

**Songs of Teenage Souls**

 **Too Fast** , **Too Furious** ,

We're **Still the Same**.

The ceiling **Can't Hold Us** ,

And we **Party Like a Rockstar**.

He is **Leavin'** ,

And she is getting **Stronger**.

We used to be **Shattered** ,

But now we're **Unbreakable**.

Can you hear our **Echo**?

Would you understand our **Secrets**?

Will we ever be **Safe and Sound**?

Or do we just keep **Runnin'**?

Have **You Found Me**?

Or **In The End** , am I still lost?

 **I Can't Control Myself** ,

Running **Circles** around my competition.

 **My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark** ,

I know how **Radioactive** you can be.

 **I'm Still Here** , no matter what you say,

Gonna start a **Revolution** today.

 **If Everyone Cared** about each other,

Maybe I wouldn't have to walk this **Battlefield** alone.

I was an **Angel with a Shotgun** , I have lost my **Halo** ,

I'm now trying to conquer my own **Demons**.

I am feeling **Unwell** ,

There is too much **On My Mind**.

So tell me **Now** ,

Will you please come **Save Me**?


	7. Words

Words

Words,

that bounce around my mind.

Words,

that go unvoiced and unsaid.

Words,

I should have said.

Words,

needing to be spoken but weren't.

Words,

meaningless in the long run.

Words,

bullets in mental armor.

Words,

advice given and insults taken.

Words,

doing more harm than good.

Words,

worse than sticks and stones.

Words,

causing unfathomable damage.

Words,

causing the loudest of silences.

Words,

causing the most violent of uproars.

Words,

that wound me.

Words,

that continue to break me every day also are the ones of my own making.


	8. Three Little Words

I said them. Those three little words that meant everything. That left me vulnerable. That left me hoping again. And now? Now they leave me weak. They leave me hurting and in pain. Because now? Now they mean nothing and it hurts. I fought. I fought so hard to save us. When I should have realized there was no saving us. When I should have realized last time was too much and this time was worse. When I should have realized that I was doing all the work and he was reaping the benfits. That I was being used. That I was just some toy. And hey. That may not be true. I could have meant the world to him, but to be fair? It doesn't feel like that. It doesn't feel like that at all. It doesn't feel like I was good enough or that he loved me. Sure he said them. Sure he said the three little words, but it's entirely possible they were just words. Words that held no meaning. Words that were empty and were only used to get to me. They were right. They were right to warn me. My friends. My friends who are family. And now? Now I see too late. Because now the only one I see hurting is me


	9. If I Disappeared

If I disappeared tomorrow,

Would you care?

If I no longer smiled or laughed,

Would you notice?

If I stopped crying,

Would you ask why?

If I stopped showing emotion,

Would you be worried?

If I started avoiding you,

Would you come see me?

If I ignored all my calls and messages,

Would you knock on my door to see if I'm home?

If I didn't answer the door,

Would you ask my neighbors if they had seen me?

If they said no,

Would you look for me?

If no one could find me,

Would you start checking the news?

If you saw I had been hurt,

Would you come see me in the hospital?

If you came to see me,

Would you stay by my bedside?

If I never woke up,

Would you beg me to?

If I died,

Would you cry?

If I disappeared,

Would you even miss me?


	10. We Make Marines

Birds chirping, the sun shining down.

Trees barren of leaves, but moss flutters in ocean swept winds.

Water drips slowly off of brick buldings.

The sound of boots hitting the pavement and Drill Intructors yelling permeates the air.

This is Parris Island, South Carolina of the United States of America.

The date: February 23, 2018, a Friday.

Friday: Graduation.

A time of celebration for the new Marines who will graduate today.

Tears will travel proudly down the many faces of their families who watch as they march across the main parade deck like so many others before them.

Others, who now watch from worlds beyond as the young carry on the legacy of the Corps.

All decked out in Dress Blue Alphas,

they stand tall, not as men and women,

but as **United States Marines** who have duly earned their Eagle, Globe, and Anchor.

Who have faced the challenges of recruit training.

Who have triumphed over the Crucible.

Who will face the hardships of deployment,

Where some will have to make the **ultimate** decision.

Where some might _never_ return home safe and sound.

Who will be _haunted_ by memories of war for the rest of their lives.

Who will be given ribbons and medals only to wish for their brothers and sisters to be alive and well.

They know this.

They _chose_ this.

They stood tall with their heads held high as they received their Eagle, Globe, and Anchor and _swore_ to protect and defend like so many before them.

These men and women, _no_ ,

These **Marines** will forever walk with heads held high because they know that in the end, _nothing_ shall ever change their minds on serving God and country.

Because _no matter_ what happens,

No matter _where_ they go,

they are and always will be:

 **United States Marines**


	11. Random 1

I stopped being jealous when I realized I am your world and you never were because you're mine.


	12. Insomnia

Insomnia.

It's the nights when sleep eludes you.

It's the nights when your mind races, thoughts flying past as you futiley try to quiet your mind.

It's the nights when you simply _need_ to do something other than sleep.

It's the nights when you refuse to sleep because you feel as if you'll miss something important.

It's the nights when stress reaches its limit but you know sleep will only make it worse because there is _so much_ to do, and _so little_ time.

It's the nights when I wake up, a scream caught in my throat from the nightmares that plague me.

It's the nights when I won't sleep simply because the dreams feel too _real_ and I _cannot_ get caught up in them.

It's the nights when his side of the bed feels colder than usual and I want nothing more than to cuddle up to him.

It's the nights when the only time I can speak with him are in the early hours of the morning before he goes to work.

It's the nights when the loneliness really hits me, but the one being who could comfort me besides him now lies in a rock covered _grave_.

It's the nights when I remember that I had to bury my best friend, the one that never left my side and always wagged his tail whenever he saw me.

It's the nights when I remember all the people I've loved and lost, who I pray are always watching over me.

It's the nights when the depression takes hold and not even a phone call from my love will help.

It's the nights when that happens that I wish I still had my best friend, when the betrayal of him is still fresh as if it happened yesterday.

It's the nights when I wish I could just go wake up my mom and tell her that I want to stop being sad, that I want to stop being so tired all the time.

It's the nights when that happens that I stop myself because I know it'll only make her sad and I _hate_ the look in her eyes when she is.

It's the nights when I remember the horror, guilt, sorrow, and pain on my parents faces when I told them I no longer wanted to _live_.

It's the nights when I remember that awful time that keep me from revisiting that pain, that remind me there is more to life than right now.

It's the nights when the insomnia takes hold and I step outside to look at the night sky.

It's the nights when that happens, I only smile as I have come to appreciate the beauty of the night as much as the day.

It's the nights when I do this that I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.

Insomnia.

It's the nights when I remember the person I am and will become.


	13. 'Til The Stars Grow Cold

When I was younger,

I would stare up at the stars begging to be among them,

Begging to venture away from this world.

I would dream of far away planets,

Of galaxies filled with unknown beings.

I would pray to the stars and ask that they take me so I may explore as I wished.

But now, as I stare up at the night sky with you at my side,

I want nothing more than to stay here with you.

I want nothing more than to lay down, snuggled close to you and watch the world go by.

I want nothing more than to follow you to the end of this world and the next.

But if you asked me,

If you asked me to travel the stars with you,

I would say yes.

For I'd rather travel the universe with you than travel it alone.

For no matter what happens to me or to you,

For no matter what we come up against,

I will love you 'til the stars grow cold.


	14. Author's Note 1

No doubt as you have read this, you've noticed the randomness pf my poem. Some were written in high school during some very dark times in my life; We Make Marines was actually written on Parris Island while I was at USMC boot camp when I got injured before being sent home; and some were written recently thanks to my new muse, my boyfriend. Times will change and things happen that will inspire me in different ways so expect something different every chapter. So until next time my lovelies! Toodles!!

PS: Don't forget to leave a review!


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